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The Maccabee – Jesus Christ Condemns Masturbation

October 4, 2011

‘Is not my word like fire,” declares the LORD, ‘and like a hammer that breaks a rock in pieces?’

– Jeremiah 23:29

This may seem controversial to some, but the proofs that Jesus Christ condemns masturbation in the Gospels is fairly obvious and straight-forward. What probably seems confusing to some is how the innocent Jesus Christ even knew about masturbation.Remember, He was thirty-something carpenter who probably knew about at least some of these things from contact with His fellow workers.

How did Jesus know about throwing pearls, namely ejaculating into the open air? Well, the answer, in short, is that He had older brothers and a strict Jewish mother who taught Him to never masturbate. He probably also witnessed one or more acts of ritual prostitution where one male would have sex with a prostitute while the other males would masturbate, throwing their pearls of white semen all around when ejaculation was achieved. Without further delay, here is the exact understanding:

THE BASIC CLAIM:

Jesus Christ condemns both masturbation and prostitution using allusion and metaphor

THE BASIC METAPHOR:

THE GOSPEL PASSAGE: Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under their feet and turn and tear you to pieces. (Matthew 7:6)

THE INTERPRETATION: Do not have sex with prostitutes and ejaculate into them. Do not masturbate and ejaculate your sperm into the open air. Remain completely chaste or the demonic world will blow you away.

THE BASIC REASONING:

I. GOSPEL VERSE #1: Do not give what is holy to dogs = Do not have sex with prostitutes and ejaculate in their mouths and rectums. It is demonic.

II. GOSPEL VERSE #2: Do not throw pearls before swine = Do not masturbate and ejaculate to XXX (666) pornography. It is demonic.

Now, what follows is a piece-by-piece examination of the exact words of the Gospels, using historical and traditional interpretations and Biblical analysis. As it clearly reveals, Jesus Christ may well have been using multiple meanings in His sayings and parables, but at least one of them is obviously the earthy, but common sense, notion that one should never masturbate, a uniquely Jewish doctrine not shared by the Pagans, who masturbated frequently and openly. Here is the full analysis of the the two Gospel verses:

I. GOSPEL VERSE #1: Do not give what is holy to dogs

EXACT WORDS: What is holy

TRANSLATION: Your male virgin (or non-virgin) manhood and/or sperm

EXACT WORDS: Dogs

TRANSLATION: Ritual Prostitute, possibly young boy

THE BIBLICAL MEANING OF DOGS

OLD TESTAMENT: Thou shalt not bring the hire of a whore, or the price of a dog, into the house of the LORD thy God for any vow: for even both these are abomination unto the LORD thy God. (Deuteronomy 23:18)

INTERPRETATION: The hire of a whore, or the price of a dog – Many public prostitutes dedicated to their gods a part of their impure earnings; and some of these prostitutes were publicly kept in the temple of Venus Melytta, whose gains were applied to the support of her abominable worship. (Commentary on the Bible, by Adam Clarke, 1831)

II. GOSPEL QUOTE #2: Do not throw your pearls before swine

EXACT WORDS: ‘Your pearls’

TRANSLATION: Your white-colored male semen and/or sperm

EXACT WORDS: ‘before swine

TRANSLATION: To ejaculate staring at pornography

THE BIBLICAL MEANING OF SWINE

OLD TESTAMENT: This term ‘Swine’ usually was a code word for wicked, evil non-Jews. or degenerate, unbelieving Gentiles

INTERPRETATION: The actual pigs and swine who earn their fortune in the XXX (666) pornography industry, the demons which sexually prey on those who masturbate.

It is time to ask those fellow American ‘Yankee Doodle’ males, are you men or are you monkeys? Does anyone truly think it is possible to act like monkeys and also think and advance like men forever? I sincerely doubt it, I really do. It’s time to obey Christ in all ways and to stop masturbation throughout society and, in time, the entire world.

May the LORD God bless you in the name of St. Judas Maccabaeus.

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2 comments

  1. I can’t help but to wonder if what he’s actually saying has to do with going about it as cleanly as possible. As though when he says, “or they will trample them under foot” means that if you throw your pearls they might get stepped on. This could make some people angry when their feet/shoes stick to the ground…thus, they will get violent and “tear you to pieces.” Implying that what you should do is deposit them into a napkin, kleenex, or sock rather than throw them.


  2. i masturbated always, i don’t know how i can stop it.



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